The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, ” You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she

“You need to stop masturbating,” the doctor said.

The man asked, “Why?”

The doctor replied, “Because I”m trying to examine you!”

Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

“No,” the inmate said, “just get it over with.”

“Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?” said the guard. “You didn’t even want a special last meal!”

The inmate thought. “Actually,” he said, “Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions.”

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, “One billion bottles of beer on the wall…”

His mom said, “Well dear, I was pushing the air out of him.”

The boy replied, “Oh then you’re wasting your time. The lady next door blows him back up every day.”

The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.”

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.”

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here — we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!”

- 50 condoms, please.

Two rabbits, standing in line behind him, were laughing their asses off. The bear sees them, turns around angry to the pharmacist and says:

- 52!

The second day the husband gets the dog into the car and drives it to the another district. Comes back home and again, after 2 hours, the dog is scratching at the door.

The third day he does the same routine…gets the dog, drives around the city, crazy streets and corners that he had never seen before…leaves the dog, gets into the car and drives away.

Two hours later, the phone at the house rings. The wife answers.

Husband: “Honey, has the dog come back home?”

Wife: “Yes dear, he’s back…”

Husband: “Ok, put it on the phone. I’m lost.”

- Mary, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are free to go; seeing as you were capable to act rationally and save another patient’s life, we came to the conclusion that this proves your full mental sanity. The bad news is that John, the patient you saved, hang himself with the belt from his robe in the bathroom. I am sorry to tell you this, but he is dead.

Hearing this, Mary replayed:

- He didn’t hang himself. I’ve hanged him there to dry. So, when can I go home?

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”