What do you call a 90-year-old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip!

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the student.
“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
“Elation,” she said.
“And you sir,” he […]

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman’s head.
“Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.”
“What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”

Two hunters were somewhere in a forest. Suddenly, one of them crashes to the ground, without breathing and with his eyes rolled over. The other one quickly takes out his cell phone and calls 911.
- My friend is dead, what should I do? he yells into the receiver.
The operator answers:
- Sir, please calm down […]

Bulishor intra în dormitorul tatalui sau, exact când acesta se pregatea sa-si puna un prezervativ. Surprins, tatal încearca sa-si ascunda erectia aplecându-se si facându-se ca se uita dupa ceva sub pat.
- Ce faci, taticule? întreaba Bula.
- Eeeee… Am vazut un sobolan sub pat…
- Da? Si? Vrei sa-l futi?

O tipa mai in virsta si “putin” mioapa intra la sex-shop:
- Vibratoare aveti ?
- Da.
- Mai mari, mai mici ?
- Si, si…
- Cele mari unde sint ?
- Acolo pe raft, in stinga.
- OK, il vreau p’ala…
- Imi pare rau, da’ nu vi-l pot da !
- De ce ?
- Ala e singurul nostru EXTINCTOR !

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.”
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he […]

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser’s balls. So he signed […]

Suna o blonda la Politie: - Mi-au spart masina, mi-au furat totul…si volanul si pedalele si schimbatorul de viteze, totul…… Peste 5 min isi da cu palma peste cap si suna iar la politie: - Va rog sa ma scuzati, m-am urcat in spate!

Sambata dimineata m-am trezit devreme, m-am imbracat in liniste, mi-am pregatit un pachet cu mancare pentru pranz, am luat cainele, am mers apoi tiptil pana in garaj si am atasat barca la Jeep si am pornit la drum. Spre disperarea mea, la iesire din garaj am observat ca afara era o vijelie de nedescris, ploaie […]